To Forgive Is Divine

In 1711, the English philosopher penned these words: 

To err is human---to forgive is divine.

I have often pondered these words, their meaning and implications, but never more so when I feel raw and angry at someone who has grieved me. 

That simple and powerful line subtly suggests that when we choose to forgive, we experience something of God within us.  It also acknowledges the frailty of our humanity, the part of ourselves that often stumbles and falls. 

There is a beautiful brokenness about us that reminds us that we can't do everything alone, no matter how hard we try.  The impulse to forgive comes from within that brokenness but transcends it, drawing out what we could call the "image of God" from deep inside us. 

But even though we may feel the impulse to forgive, so many of us tamp it down when it seeks to come to the surface.  

We choose to be unforgiving.  We choose to hold on to our bitterness because we may deem the object of our forgiveness undeserving, or our wounds are so grievous that we feel we can't move past them.  

I was recently reading about the idea of forgiveness and came across a quote from Bishop Desmond Tutu: 

Because forgiveness is like this: a room can be dank because you have closed the windows, you’ve closed the curtains. But the sun is shining outside, and the air is fresh outside. In order to get that fresh air, you have to get up and open the window and draw the curtains apart.

I absolutely love that analogy, and the fact that it comes from the South African bishop who mediated the Truth and Reconciliation Commission after the end of Apartheid makes it even more powerful.  

You can't move on with a full and complete life unless you learn to forgive, and you can't fully experience the fresh air of joy and peace without forgiveness.  

At this point, some might say, "What was done to me (or someone I love) was so terrible and awful that I can't bring myself to forgive them."  

I completely understand that. Sometimes, it might seem that forgiveness is an easy way out for the person who wounded us. We may be letting them off the hook.  

The author C.R. Strahan once wrote: 

Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim—letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.

You could say that the last desperate act of an abuser, emotional terrorist, or betrayer is to leave us with the dark gift of bitterness that we carry around as a reminder of what was done to us.  

It doesn't matter whether the person is no longer part of our lives or even dead; we can carry that bitterness around for a lifetime if we don't learn what it means to truly forgive and relieve ourselves of the burden of carrying it. 

I once read that holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.  

When we put forgiveness into action, it's less about the person we are forgiving and more about setting ourselves free from the dark, dank room we've been living in because of our unwillingness to forgive.  

The person we are forgiving doesn't have to know we have done so. They might no longer be alive, but they might also still be in our lives because they are family.  We could let them know that we have forgiven them or simply do so on our own.  

The most important thing that we should be focused on is that when we forgive, we are expressing the presence of God within us, and that is no small thing for any of us.  

May we all learn what it means to forgive and set ourselves free.  May we let go of the bitterness that has been an obstacle to our journey toward our best life.  

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us now and always. Amen.