How To Avoid Family Squabbles on Thanksgiving

Recently, in a conversation with a friend about the state of our country at the moment, they offered up the following observation about the divisions that exist between so many of us: 

"Thanksgiving is going to be really freaking tough this year for a lot of families."

I  couldn't agree more. I'm sure that some of you reading this might have already been pondering what to do or say around that one particular family member with whom you disagree on just about everything.  

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for gathering, reflection, and gratitude, often reminding us of the importance of family. 

Yet, as we approach this holiday, many of us may feel apprehensive about spending time with loved ones, particularly when we have differing opinions or unresolved conflicts. 

It's important to remember, however, that often, beneath our disagreements, a bond of unity and love can help us reconnect in deep and meaningful ways. 

Richard Rohr's book Falling Upward offers a powerful insight: “The journey of faith is not about avoiding faults but about realizing our common humanity.” 

This statement resonates profoundly with so many of us as we navigate the complexities of family dynamics, particularly around the holidays. 

Our differences can often overshadow our similarities, leading to conflict and distance. However, when we focus on our shared experiences, values, and love for one another, we can begin to bridge the gaps that divide us.

The Bible beautifully reinforces this concept of unity in Ephesians 4:3, which says, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” 

These words serve as a poignant reminder that unity is not just a goal but a commitment to one another. 

Family gatherings, especially during holidays like Thanksgiving, give us a unique opportunity to practice this commitment. If we strive to focus on what binds us together—our shared memories, joys, and hopes—we can foster a more inclusive atmosphere of love and connection.

Rebekah Drumsta, in her book When Family Hurts, acknowledges the struggles we face within families: “Healing begins when we choose to see each other as more than our mistakes and differences.” 

This highlights the potential for growth that exists within our family relationships. Instead of allowing misunderstandings or disagreements to define our interactions, we can intentionally view each family member through a lens of compassion and understanding. 

Embracing our humanity allows us to transcend conflicts and cultivate deeper connections.

As we approach this Thanksgiving, let us commit to putting aside our differences and focusing on our commonalities. You may have shared humorous stories from childhood, a love for certain traditions, or common values that have shaped your lives. 

By bringing these topics to the forefront, we can divert attention from contentious subjects and nurture a spirit of togetherness. Engage in conversations that celebrate your shared history and the unique fabric of your family.

Additionally, consider leading with gratitude during your family gatherings. Share what you appreciate about each family member. This simple act can create an atmosphere of positivity that encourages openness and vulnerability. 

When family members feel valued and recognized, they are more likely to respond with warmth, allowing old wounds to heal and connections to strengthen.

If tensions arise or old disagreements bubble to the surface, practice patience and understanding. Approach difficult conversations with a desire for reconciliation rather than winning an argument. 

Remember, a loving environment allows for honest dialogue where everyone feels heard and respected. When approached with kindness and humility, disagreements can lead to growth.

As we prepare for Thanksgiving, let us embrace this opportunity to reconcile, reconnect, and cherish the moments spent with our loved ones. We can choose to set aside differences and embrace the beautiful tapestry woven from our shared experiences. In doing so, we enrich our relationships and our lives as individuals. 

This Thanksgiving, let the spirit of unity envelop your gatherings. Celebrate the love that persists despite differences, and invest time in nurturing relationships. 

After all, family is a precious gift—let's treasure our time together, focusing on who we are rather than what sets us apart. Embrace the spirit of togetherness, and may this holiday bring healing, joy, and renewed connections for you and your family.

May it be so, and may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever. Amen.