We All Have Work To Do

Sometimes, it takes a while for grief to set in properly after the initial shock of loss.  

I know this all too well, and I also know that one of the stages of grief is anger, which is what I lived in for a long while after the loss of my mom seven years ago. 

It was hard to understand why I felt angry, but the bitterness it brought seemed appropriate and much more accessible to embrace than resignation.  

The problem with remaining in anger is that it affects every aspect of our lives, including those around us.  When we don't know what to do with our anger, it can often spill out at the worst possible moments and be directed at the ones we love. 

It took me a lot of therapy to understand more fully why I was angry and to realize that although it was a natural state of affairs for me to journey through it, I could not stay there and be a healthy and whole person.  

I want to speak to those today who are feeling the shock and grief of Tuesday's election results. 

If you were reading this and got the outcome you wanted from the election, please keep reading because you undoubtedly have people in your life who don't share your elation, and you need to hear this, too.  

Many people today are beginning to get over the shock of what happened on Tuesday and are feeling the weight of their grief intensely. Before you dismiss this, think about your friends, family, and co-workers who may be feeling this way. 

For some people, the election's outcome feels like a rejection of who they are.  

I can tell you that many of the women in my life (friends, co-workers, and family) are shaken and afraid. They feel betrayed, dismissed, unheard, and uncertain about the future for themselves, their daughters, and their granddaughters. 

I have dear friends and family members who are part of the LGBTQ+ community who feel the same.  My cousin, who is gay, posted on his social media, "How can some people tell you that they love you and then vote as if they don't." 

I've had several conversations with gay friends and church members who feel hollowed out inside, devastated that their own family members seemingly voted against them by affirming politicians who have vowed to take away their rights. 

There are friends and family members of mine who are deathly afraid of what they perceive to be the triumph of fascism, racism, elitism, and sexism.  They fear for their freedoms and the prospects of a dark future for themselves and the people they love.  

Some of them shared with me the horrible, tasteless, and hateful social media posts they saw from their own family members and friends they once held dear, who were gloating about the outcome of the election, further deepening the fears they had.  

If you are finding yourself in grief today, and it has turned to anger, I need you to know that it is appropriate and natural to feel this way.  Let yourself be angry for a while, but do your best to not lash out at others in the midst of it.  

Your anger can be productive and helpful, but not if you stay in it, no matter how good it feels to be angry.

I discovered this social media post yesterday, and I have already shared it with friends and family, but I would like to share it with you: 

Grief requires tending, a form of labor, but the advantage of social/political grief is that we have many hands to make light work--there are millions of us on this planet to help hold it.  Even when we feel so alone in the absurdity of loss, we can breathe and remember how many wanted the same world as we do.  We can feel how that world is very much alive in our hearts and collective imagination.   

And I would also address those who saw this election as an affirmation of their beliefs and are elated at how things turned out.  

If you genuinely love and value those in your life who think differently than you do, express your joy gently, humbly, and graciously.  Nearly half of the people in our country did not agree with you, so it stands to reason there are people in your own life who are hurt by how you voted.  

Maybe you voted the way you did, not because it involved those you love, but because you felt you had to vote your conscience, which is between you and God.  

Just be aware that you now have some work to do to regain the trust of those devastated by the election, who may hold some fear and animosity in their hearts because they wonder how you feel about them.  

We all have a lot of work to do if we are going to find healing after yet another divisive season in our lives.  

The keys for us all are compassion and hope.  These two actions will help us all begin the good work of working through grief, overcoming anger, and reconciling with one another. 

May it be so.  May the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever. Amen.